


Tear Me Down, Piece By Piece

by StarlightAfterAStorm



Series: Good Morning Heartache [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Because I want to know Molly's story, F/M, Molly thinks she doesn't count, filling in the blanks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-12 15:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1190949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightAfterAStorm/pseuds/StarlightAfterAStorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because he asked her to kill him. And she said yes. She'll always say yes. </p><p>But she never expected the heavy price it would bring. The burden she'd carry for the next two years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tear Me Down, Piece By Piece

**Author's Note:**

> Everything from the Fall up until the Return. What was Molly's experience those two years Sherlock was missing?

“I don’t count.”

She’d meant it when she said that. Mousy Molly Hooper doesn’t count to anybody. Much less Sherlock Holmes.

But then he came to her.

And he told her that she counted. That he needed her.

But she knows, _she knows_ , he’s manipulating her. Telling her what he thinks she wants to hear so she’ll do what he wants her to. He always does that. Plays her like a puppet on a string. And she lets him. She always lets him.

Even so, even though she knows all of that, knows just how much power this man holds over her head, his eyes are hurting and he looks so _broken_. She’s never seen him look so vulnerable. Shouldn’t the fact that he’s letting her in, just the littlest bit, mean something?

It does to Molly. How can she say “no”?

For the next two years Molly becomes one of Sherlock Holmes’ secret keepers. Even when John and Greg and Mrs. Hudson are buried deep in their mourning, Molly is weighted down with the burden of her secret. She’s mourning in her own way, she supposes.

But there are so many moments. Especially in the early days when the burden is the heaviest. When Mrs. Hudson invites her over for tea and ends up crying into her handkerchief halfway through. When Greg comes in with Sergeant Donovan and asks what she sees in the body. Asks if she thinks she can see anything else. When John comes to visit with red eyes and a limp in his step. They go and get coffee sometimes. And they bond over their mutual loss in a way.

Until they don’t any longer.

John moves out of 221 B Baker Street. He doesn’t come to St. Bart’s anymore. At least not to see Molly. She’s seen him come and say hi to Mike once in a while though. He’ll meet with Greg for drinks or for dinner. Sometimes all three of them even go out.

But with John trying to move on with his life, he never returns to 221 B. He never goes to visit Mrs. Hudson. He certainly never comes to see Molly. Not anymore.

Just one more person Moly Hooper doesn’t count to.

A whole year passes.

Molly doesn’t even see John fleetingly anymore. She hears from Mike that he’s got another job in a clinic somewhere, doesn’t really have time to make social calls. Mrs. Hudson takes an extended vacation with her sister outside of London. Greg rarely comes in. He never stays to chat. More often than not Molly sees Sergeant Donovan.

She doesn’t dislike the woman for the part she played in Moriarty’s scheme, however unwittingly. She knows Donovan was just doing her job. What she doesn’t like her for are all of the derogatory remarks she made against Sherlock all of those years. So their relationship stays cordial and professional.

Molly really is all alone now. She doesn’t have any family left. Or any close friends. A few she still keeps in touch with once in a while but no one she feels really close to. It's hard being alone, but at least the secret never threatens to come out anymore in a fit of guilt.

After a year of silence, Molly is invited to a club where silence is prized.

Mycroft Holmes summons her. For tea. He doesn’t talk to her beyond greeting her. Just sits there in silence as they drink their tea.

Molly shifts uncomfortably in the very large and plush armchair she’s been seated in before she takes a steadying breath and finally settles down. She makes herself look Mycroft Holmes in the eye before opening her mouth to try and ask why she’s there. Before she can, however, Mycroft merely raises a brow. The gesture is so very Holmes-like that Molly flinches on instinct.

Regardless of how Mycroft intimidates her, Molly resigns herself to at least enjoy the expensive tea and the decadent array of sweets laid out before her. In the next hour she samples delicate little sponge cakes and miniature tarts. A lovely variety of macaroons. Sweet biscuits laced with something a little spicier than ginger and is just enough to make Molly’s mouth tingle but not burn.

At the end of that hour, after Mycroft has watched her with all of the intensity that he and his brother share, he bids her farewell. Molly is escorted out of the building and is deposited back at her apartment.

Molly is more than a little unnerved by the meeting with Mycroft. She’s only met him once before. Heard about him from Sherlock more than a couple of times, especially when they were planning the Fall. But she’d only seen him in person for a short time during that horrid Christmas.

Somehow, _somehow, Molly doesn’t have the faintest idea how_ , high tea becomes a weekly occurrence for them. Without fail, on Sunday afternoon Molly is spirited away by the lovely woman with the Blackberry. She almost never says anything either, but she does give her name as Andrea. Molly’s almost certain that John called her something else, something more exotic sounding. But he must have heard her wrong. As lovely a name as Andrea is, it’s not the oddest name in the world.

Molly learns to enjoy her tea parties with Mycroft. It’s a connection to the world outside St. Bart’s. Aside from the increasingly rare meet ups with old colleagues from school and the even more rare dinners out with coworkers or dates, her Sunday afternoons are the only times she goes out.

Andrea becomes a friend after a while. They go out for coffee. Sometimes dinner. They talk. Andrea even puts away her Blackberry. Molly has the sneaking suspicion that Mycroft bade Andrea to befriend her. She cares a little about that, but Andrea’s always been honest and comforting with her. If the friendship is real does it matter why they became friends in the first place? Molly doesn’t think so. It doesn’t make it any less of a friendship, _at least Molly hopes so_.

It’s six months before the return, though of course she didn’t know it at the time, that she goes to a local coffee shop for a blind date. Hannah, who’s a professor in Cardiology on the fifth floor, says he’s perfect for her. Molly doesn’t understand the small wink Hannah gives her when she says that. Not until Tom walks into the coffee shop and Molly almost drops her cup in surprise.

He’s nice, Tom is. After her initial shock, Molly realizes everything that make him similar to Sherlock is purely physical. Tall and lanky with curly dark hair and a chiseled face. But his eyes are a dark, warm brown rather than piercing ice blue. He’s goofy. His sense of humor is similar to Molly’s, a little awkward and sometimes inappropriate. He works a steady 9-5 job as a mechanical engineer. He helps design and create cameras used in surgeries.

He’s stable and reliable and the first really nice guy she’s met in... years really. The only thing that makes her hesitate is what brought them together in the first place. His immediate similarity to Sherlock. But after a while, she’s able to look past that. He’s a really nice guy. The kind she thinks she could have really loved if she hadn’t already given her heart away to a man who doesn’t want it. Who only uses it to make her obey him.

They end up becoming serious. Molly really, really, likes him. He introduces her to his closest friends and family. She introduces him to Andrea, who only raises a skeptical eyebrow but ultimately gives her approval. They go on vacation together. Everything seems to be happening very quickly.

It’s been almost two years since Sherlock Holmes disappeared from her life and even though there are so many strings still tying her to him, she thinks that she might finally be able to move on. She’s happy with Tom. Not the kind of all-consuming happy she’d dreamt of when she was a child, but happy nonetheless.

She has her job. A man who looks out for her (mostly from the shadows though that doesn’t make it any less sincere) and makes sure to fatten her up with delicious sweets and tea every week. A best friend who works for that man but who watches over her just as protectively and listens to her, really _listens_ to her. And a new lover who takes care of her. Who makes her laugh when she’s sad, even though he’s not perceptive enough to see why.

If it sometimes feels like she’s trying too hard. If it sometimes feels like everything is muffled and she can’t hear anything but her own screaming. If it still sometimes feels like she’s drowning, anchored down by the weight of her secret. Well, that’s something that she’s going to have to learn to live with.

She’s gotten good at it too. Two years of practice after all. She’s learned how to live her life without Sherlock Holmes. She’s not waiting for him, not letting her love for him keep her back.

In some way, Molly thinks that Tom can maybe see that. Because it’s not more than 3 days after Molly has had that momentous revelation that she _can_ live her life without the most remarkable man she’s ever met, that Tom takes her out to Medlar. It’s a fancy little restaurant she’d read in the papers a week before. Not terribly expensive but a little fancier than the places they normally go to.

He proposes.

They’ve only known each other six months and he’s proposing and Molly doesn’t know what to do. Should she say yes? The memory of a smooth baritone rather than Tom’s tenor and blue-gold-green eyes versus chocolate brown invade her mind. But this is a situation he’d never find himself in. Especially with Molly. And the reminder of that fact is what shocks her back to the present.

She says “yes”.

If her heart clenches a little too painfully at the completely open and happy smile that Tom gives her. If she feels like crying when she looks at the ring on her finger. If there’s a heavy, oily darkness in her gut that won’t go away. Well, that’s just another few things she has to learn how to live with.

She tries to get into touch with Andrea the next day to try and talk through all she’s feeling. It seems as though Mycroft has gone out of the country, taking her with him. That’s not unusual. But these trips never last more than a few days. She can wait that long to have that conversation.

Except before that happens, Sherlock Holmes shows up in her mirror. Without even trying, Sherlock Holmes does what he does best. He breaks Molly Hooper. Breaks down the carefully constructed life she’s only just started to rebuild without even trying. 


End file.
